A Real World Exercise In Practical Magic

One of the things I’ve noticed more and more recently is that there seems to be a lot of emphasis on the ritual nuts and bolts; but not a lot of information (or requests for information) on why you would do magic. What kind of problems can you solve with this stuff? How do you go about planning a sequence to accomplish something? What does this look like in the real world?

In the spirit of filling in that gap, that I give you a real life example of magic taken from my… well… real life. Enjoy!

So, I had an old Jeep. It was falling apart really. I needed to replace it; but, long story short, I needed to move some money around first. As these things so often work out, my magical will kept the Jeep running exactly as long as I needed it to. It was a couple days after everything was in place that it finally blew up on me.

I had the money to afford a payment. I had a car in mind that magically showed up at the dealership exactly when I needed it. Problem was, I needed to actually buy the thing, quickly, but without getting bent over just because I was a “highly motivated buyer.” I needed it no money down and for less than $350 a month. I had ok credit but that was a big ask.

Last night, I decided to head over there to try to buy this thing. I knew I needed help and, since I do tend to walk on the darker side, I decided to go with demonic assistance. I already had a good working relationship with Lilith and Lucifer. I had already done some evocations of other demons through them and it had always gone well, mostly because I didn’t bug them just when I needed something. I had built a relationship with Mom and Dad and when they would introduce me to others (Belial, for example), I didn’t act like a jack-ass. I have always treated the spirits with respect and so they have always treated me with respect in return. They did nice things for me, sometimes without me asking. I did the same for them. This wasn’t an overnight thing. I built this over the course of time so that when I needed them, they’d be there.

With this groundwork in place, I thought through what I really needed in this situation. Main thing was that I didn’t have time to haggle. I wanted to get this particular vehicle fast but without losing my shirt. I needed the salesperson to regard me with favor in other words. Armed with this, I consulted my sources, looking for a spirit who could do what I needed and influence the people at the dealership to cut me a break. I considered Vasago and a few others; but eventually I settled on the Marquis Forneus, described in the Ars Goetia thusly…

The Thirtieth Spirit is Forneus. He is a Mighty and Great Marquis, and appeareth in the Form of a Great Sea-Monster. He teacheth, and maketh men wonderfully knowing in the Art of Rhetoric. He causeth men to have a Good Name, and to have the knowledge and understanding of Tongues. He maketh one to be beloved of his Foes as well as of his Friends. He governeth 29 Legions of Spirits, partly of the Order of Thrones, and partly of that of Angels.

Perfect! Not someone who was going to make money appear out of nowhere. Someone who was going to help grease the right wheels and palms for me. I didn’t rush into this choice. I did my homework. I really considered the options and made my choice based on reasoning that I could articulate.

Now, all I had to do was the actual operation. I laid down (as I normally do when I meditate) and did my descent ritual just like I did every day and before all my operations. It helped me get in the right head space and it attuned me to the energies of the current I worked with. Because I did this consistently and because I refined that ritual over time on the basis of my consistent work with it, I knew it would work and it didn’t take me more than a few minutes. Just as I designed the ritual to do and tested it to make sure it worked, I simply substituted the visualized sigil and enn that I chanted. I didn’t have a circle. I didn’t have a triangle. I didn’t have any special robes or equipment. I just had my mind and my magic because I had demonstrated to my own satisfaction over and over again that that’s all I ever needed.

Before long, I found my consciousness floating in a vast dark ocean. I couldn’t perceive anything beyond the dark waters; but I sensed that I was not alone. A vast, alien intellect in the form of a gigantic sea monster that looked like some kind of sting ray swam up from the depths. He was attended by watery demonic spirits that my mind interpreted as mermen. I didn’t bow or scrape; but neither did I puff myself up and become aggressive. I was on his turf and I treated him with respect but also as an equal, as a visiting dignitary from my own kingdom. I introduced myself using a magical name that I have used for some time but that also built rapport with him. I addressed him as “Great Marquis” and thanked him for hearing my request, genuinely and graciously, regardless of whether or not he would grant it. I then laid out my specific request in sufficient detail. Enough to articulate what I needed but not like a rules lawyering D&D Player writing a wish spell. I offered nothing in payment and none was asked for beyond, “You have done me a favor. I will do the same. Brother to brother.” I then thanked him again and withdrew to my own realm. One or two of his associates followed but I didn’t freak out. I have many associates of my own. They were now my associates and I would trust them until they gave me a reason not to.

Finally, I left to go to the dealership and got exactly what I wanted, exactly how I specified. I thanked Forneas again, as I did Lilith and Lucifer and all my demonic associates. And now I have a new (to me) car at a great price and with zero hassle. Boom. Magic.

I think the thing that struck me the most about it was that I didn’t overthink the things that didn’t need to be overthought and I didn’t underthink the things that didn’t need to be underthought. I didn’t go in anxious or afraid I was going to get ass-raped for not dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s. I didn’t treat this like a transaction or a vending machine. I treated it the same way I would have if I knew someone who knew someone who could help me. I didn’t approach it as an adversarial interaction, either with Forneus or the salesperson. I was looking for a win-win-win solution and that’s exactly what I got. I wasn’t looking for Forneus to give me a car any more than I expected the salesperson to give me a car. I did the work to prepare for both interactions and made it clear that, while I was certainly asking for a favor, I wasn’t looking to get something for nothing.

This is an interaction that would have had me coming apart at the seams not all that long ago; and I am very proud of myself that I handled it “on my own” for the most part. That said, I’m not here just to say “Yay me!” I’m just trying to show a practical example of what actual magic looks like in action and to suggest how best to spend your magical efforts. I am not saying that this is the right way or the only way to do it. I am saying that this is the right way that gets results for me. You find your right way.

I will gladly answer any questions yinz might have, subject to my availability tonight. Thank you.

Your pal,

Uncle Eddie