Asshats in Derp Space Ep. 1: Matt Colvin

Things out in the real are getting a bit… chaotic. Everyone around the globe is, of course, aware of the raging cluster fuck that is this pandemic and it’s equally cluster fuck responses by our respective governments.

I will say that I’m one of those lucky assholes that have a job that allows me to work from home. There are a lot out there that don’t have that luxury, and I worry about them.

I’m not overly worried about myself. I take the precautions as they’ve told us to. I’m following the rules.

But then you have assholes like Matt and Noah Colvin.

These assholes, from my home state, by the way, decided when they heard about the first death in the U.S. from Coronavirus, they’d go buy up all the hand sanitizer and disinfectants from retail stores in eastern TN and southeastern KY to then put on Amazon to seel at EXTREMELY inflated prices.

The biggest zinger on this one is he was truly amazed when Amazon said, “Sorry, you can’t be a dick and price gouge people during a pandemic” and took away his selling venue. eBay and others followed suit. His “family man” business was crushed.

God, I love capitalists. Not one has a fucking soul when it comes to profit.

After numerous death threats and the Tennessee Attorney General’s office saying he will face investigation of price-gouging charges, he decided to donate his stockpile to a local church.

How very kind of him. His greed was rejected by society at large, so he decided it was in his best interest not to FACE A FUCKING MOB OF PEOPLE INTENT ON FUCKING HIM UP FOR BEING AN ASSHOLE.

Not only is Matt a supreme, world-class asshole, but he also doesn’t think he did anything wrong. He was just doing business.

Well, Matt, from everyone else out here, we hope you enjoy your nice steaming cup of Go Fuck Yourself and enjoy that significant monetary loss you suffered. Maybe you’ll get lucky and see a few months in your local jail, as well.

There are a lot of assholes out there, though. I’m going to try to call out as many as I can because (a) I’m bored and (b) they’re assholes.

Stay safe out there.

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