I hope my cleverly disguised and subtle click bait title has finally lured you into my dungeon. I thought about it a long time and decided that I too would like to receive the adulation of millions by lying in a bold and obvious way. My apologies to both Deadpool and Ryan Reynolds for putting words into their mouths (I was never invited to put anything else there), but I think they’d both agree with what I put in their mouths.
Anyway…hello. I’m Joe. I’m a writer, or at least I pretend to be when I have the time. I make shit up. It’s what I’m good at, so I keep doing it. It’s fun and engaging. Most of my pieces are just my opinion on things. Sometimes I research facts hardcore because I want to make a point. Sometimes I do a quick a Google search so that I can post it on my GoDaddy hosted WordPress site. (I hope I get some money for that somehow.) Bottom line, though, it’s still just my opinion on things. You can take it, you can leave it, you can make tiny paper cutouts of all the words that look like hearts and sprinkle them with lavender and spread them on my pillow before our first heavy makeout session, and I really wouldn’t give a shit one way or another.
I guess if there is a moral for all the time you just wasted reading that stuff up there, here it is. You see a lot of “news articles” from “news sites”on the FaceTwit that are basically bullshit. They try to pass their garbage off as news when in fact they are attempting to feed you the biggest shit sandwich you can imagine.
It’s my estimation that THEY DID feed you said sandwich on November 8th of this year. I mean, how many of you have read some ridiculous article posted by the far right AND the far left-leaning so-called press that was just complete, total, utter, earth shattering BULLFUCKINGSHIT? Show of hands?
Spread the word about the bullshit. We should become a no bullshit zone for the truth in reporting. If you’re an independent freelancer out there with your trusty phone camera intent on reporting about the fuckery that is currently happening in the good ole US of A, then pretty please try to exercise some due diligence in what you report. Yes, you’re getting paid pretty well with the click bait because I understand that people over the age of around 50 don’t understand that’s how you make a living. They just keep spreading your shit and then we have shit everywhere.
For those of you out there that want to be legit, I suggest you check out this link to the Society of Professional Journalists. You do have a responsibility to not be a piece of shit out there or on the internet. This entire year has been a huge, mind-melting bastard of a year. Please just post funny pics if you want clicks. I have a powerful need for a funny ape site with poo flinging action. I need GIFs, pronto.
And now for a…
Speaking of President-Elect Trumpzilla, how about these people he’s picking for the cabinet, huh? Are you excited? Because I’m excited. We’ve got everything we need to MAKE AMERICA GREAT FOR WHITE MALES AGAIN! We got bigots, racists, climate deniers, sexists, evil fucking nazi career politicians, and a partridge in a nuclear bomb pear tree.
HOW CAN YOU NOT BE FUCKING EXCITED????
Everyone out there that predicted the end of the world being near have finally been proven correct. Maybe the nukes will rapture the believers, but I know one thing for goddamn sure if I come out a survivor: I will finally get to indulge in my Mad Max fantasies and it will be glorious.
I mean, seriously, that looks like fun.
So, kiddos, I’d stock up. It’s going to be the wildest shit show you done never seen.
Until next time, it’s been a pleasure.