Win a FREE Self-Hosted WordPress Site

Le Concours des écrivains du Chaos (or the Chaos Writers Contest!)

I’ve spoken about Author Websites on this site once before but this really applies to anyone reading the blog at this point, chaote or writer alike. The problem getting one of these sites going is that purchasing hosting and running a website takes money unless you want to own one of those fuck all proprietary website builders where they advertise all over your shit unless you pay them a lot of money or offer your soul. It’d be awesome if you could just get your own Self-Hosted WordPress site. You’re trying to do a website that’s worth going to, though, right? Let’s see if you qualify for the contest.

  1. Do you like free stuff? Yes.
  2. Having you been thinking about doing a website? Yes.
  3. Would you like to have pro design and development services worth a lot of $$$$? YES.
  4. Do you want a free self-hosted Fully Managed WordPress service for one year? YES!
  5. Then you need to enter the contest, yeah? FUUUUUUCK YEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!

The Official Stuff that you will win:

I’m going to give away five (5) self-hosted Fully Managed WordPress accounts to the top 5 traffic influencers to the site starting today, July 4th through July 31st. Basically, the more verifiable entries you can get based on the criteria below, the better chance you have at winning.

  • Grand Prize: The top contributor to the cause will receive:
    • A free Self-Hosted Fully Managed WordPress site for 1-year
      • Daily site backups to help you recover from catastrophe
      • Update monitoring
      • Optimized WP Server backed by SSD storage
      • Site Diagnostics
      • Theme/Plugin deployment
      • 6-hrs Professional Services
    • My personal assistance setting up said WordPress site, including a free professional theme and my expert advice on setting the site up.
    • Diagnostic and repair services for the year. (If your site goes crazy, I will help you fix it or tell you how to fix it.)
    • I will teach you to internet. I will guide you with my Google-Fu. I will help you make the best damn site the way you want it. (Relatively speaking.)
  • Runner-Up Prize: Here’s what the four (4) runners-up will receive:
    • A free Self-Hosted Fully Managed WordPress site for 1-year.
      • Daily site backups to help you recover from catastrophe
      • Update monitoring
      • Optimized WP Server backed by SSD storage
      • Site Diagnostics

Here’s what you have to do to win all the stuff above, free, for one year.:

  • Get someone to sign up for the site with your email address as the referral. This equals one (1) entry. The more people you bring, the more entries you get.

  • Submit a short story, work of art, or a blog post. Don’t forget to follow all of the criteria submission. That will equal five (5) entries. Make sure you label it “Contest Entry.” (You can only submit one, though.)
  • Rinse, repeat, profit.


  • I’m not responsible for additional add-ons such as security, SSLs, themes, plugins, email, etc. You will need to purchase and maintain these yourself.
  • If you do something such as make an update to your site which somehow makes it unrecoverable, that’s on you.
  • This service lasts for one year after site access is granted to the winner. After that, we can migrate you to a self-managed hosting platform.
  • If at any point you threaten legal action, threaten physical violence, or start harassing me I will drop you like a bad habit. No questions asked. Do not pass go. Do not collect shit.
  • You will have to purchase all third-party products for yourself. This would include your domain name if you do not already own one. I would suggest checking out Writer’s Corner Hosting for awesome prices on SSL, Website Security, and a ton of other good products.

So, that sounds cool.

Bang away, my chaos writing monkeys. Get some free hosting.

Joe Forrest

Joe Forrest is an IT/Web Consultant by night, writer of fiction and/or helpful words which help you write words better by day. He uses naughty words and does not care if you like his sometimes harshly worded advice. He has many secret names and 7 souls. Writer, Tech, and Chaos Magician.

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