“In other news”, Fagot concluded his report. “The Council of Archangels exits their years long meditation and voices the verdict of God on the revolution in He…”
“Underworld”, Raven corrected him with a death glare. “There is no such thing as Hell anymore.”
“Of course, ma’am, Underworld”, the purple knight acknowledged. “They said this event was unforeseen in prophecies, but definitely went according to God’s plan”
“Yeah, yeah”, Raven said. “Because, apparently, everything is. My cat pisses in my boots, that’s God’s plan. A cow gives birth to a two headed malformed fetus, that’s a sign from God. Looks like a nice indulgence for everyone: do something stupid, and that was God’s plan all along. Apparently, that’s what Old Scratch thought before his every inane scheme.”
Fagot stared at her, guessing whether she was serious.
“Just kidding. You don’t have a sense of humor, Fagot”.
“I hate having a sense of humor, ma’am. I have to remind you that it was my punishment here: joking non-stop until forgiven. All for a little jest about light and darkness back when I was a living man…”
Fagot remembered the day the revolution started. He barely escaped final death in the pits of Abyss as the crowds of rebelling damned tore demons apart. They thought Satan’s own jester to be a demon, too. Luckily, Raven listened to his frantic cries of “I’m no demon! I’m a human like you, a French knight from the 1400s!” and stopped the rioters from ending his existence. He had been serving the new lady of He… sorry, Underworld as a secretary and assistant since then. Helping her build a new world of rest and respite for the weary dead and tear down infernal chambers of torment. She was Raven, the Liberty and Equality in Death, and her Underworld was welcoming to everyone.
“One final fact for today”, Fagot completed his report. “Belial was spotted hiding in Heaven. It seems that he is planning to organize a demon government-in-exile and scheme against us, under Archangel protection”.
“Duplicitous bastards”, Raven spat. “However, I don’t think they can harm us. When word reaches the mortal world that Hell is no more, and the Underworld is now a thing, no one will be afraid of Heaven’s judgement. And fear, Fagot, is the driving whip of faith. Without fear, faith will dwindle, their tyranny will end and the Apocalypse will be prevented.”